History is riddled with products that are pointless (bottled water for pets!), embarrassing (a fork for eating pizza) and downright dangerous (a cage that dangles babies outside the window!). But among some of the more, er, questionable inventions have been related to area of sleep. It makes sense, as so many of us will do anything to determined to get a good night’s rest that they’re willing to try anything no matter how insane the product might be.
From fart-absorbing blankets to beds that make themselves, here are seven of the strangest sleep-related products we found.
1. The Better Marriage Blanket
What’s the leading cause of divorce? Smelly farts, apparently. That’s the idea behind the Better Marriage Blanket, a comforter that absorbs the smell of your scud missiles so your spouse’s nostrils don’t have to. It seems like couples preferred to split up rather than buy the blanket, as it’s no longer available for purchase.
2. The Sleeping Bag You Can Walk In
There are several weird sleeping bag/Snuggie hybrids on the market these days, but no doubt the weirdest one is “The Sleeping Bag You Can Walk In”. A garbage bag-like sack that comes with holes for feet but not for arms, the Japanese product is meant for those who want to walk while staying warm. Don’t even try to figure out how you’ll go to the bathroom in this thing.
3. The Subway Sleeping Helmet
Another winner from Japan, the Japanese Subway Sleeping Helmet is meant to be attached to the subway window so that the user’s head can be positioned upright as they snooze. Weird. Weirder? The helmet comes with a board where the user can insert the name of their subway stop, so that passengers know to wake them up when their stop arrives. Does it also come with a place your wallet so muggers don’t have to rifle through your pockets when you’re passed out?
4. The Pillow Tie
Any occasion that requires a tie is probably an occasion worth sleeping through. Such is the philosophy behind the Pillow Tie, which is an inflatable necktie that can serve as a, well, pillow. Perfect for nodding off at weddings, funerals, fancy parties, Quinceañeras, or Bar Mitzvahs. At least it’s not a bolo tie.
5. Layline Bed Sheet
Want your wife to stay on her damn side of the bed? Lay down this sheet that has a designed line of demarcation. The Layline originally appeared on “Dragons’ Den,” a “Shark Tank”-esque show in England, where it was bashed as a “silly, silly idea.” But that hasn’t stopped the merchandisers from going ahead and selling it anyway.
6. Vertical Bed
Ever had a desire to fall asleep standing up in the middle of a busy city street? The Vertical Bed is a metal frame that can be attached to the subway ventilation grating on the sidewalk, and supports the sleeper’s body as they take a midday snooze on the street. The bed/torture device comes with noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses and a free-standing umbrella in case it rains on your nap. It seems like the manufacturers have thought of everything, except for the fact that it’s terrible.
Get your mind out of the gutter. The Morninghead isn’t for a.m. fellacio but rather procrastinators who don’t want bedhead. Add water to the capp, and when you put it on your head, it wets your hair so that you don’t have to take a shower, thus enabling you to enjoy a few more moments in the sack. The one thing you do lose? Your dignity.
8. OHEA, the Bed That Makes Itself
Only losers have time to make their beds, amiright? The OHEA bed comes equipped with a device that automatically straightens the comforter, sheets and pillowcase. The product gained attention in 2012, but hasn’t seemed to gain any traction, proving that even Americans aren’t as lazy as everyone else may think.