Med thumb maxresdefault  5

Guys, Donald Trump only sleeps, like, three hours a night. Sometimes, he runs on just 90 minutes of rest — 90 minutes! Last weekend, he spent roughly the same amount of time disgracing 30 Rockefeller Plaza as the host of SNL. And he won’t quit bragging about his ability to be sleep-deprived and still be the Donald.

Some people have condemned he of the golden coif for trumpeting his superhuman sleeplessness. It’s irresponsible, they say, to glamorize behavior linked to so many health issues. Not to mention, they add, it’s unlikely he falls into the one percent (well, the other one percent) of people, called short-sleepers, who truly function on two or three hours of sleep.

It’s true that sleep deprivation is nothing but a cluster bomb on the circadian system, what with all the associated scourges, including diabetes, undereye circles, memory lapses, psychosis, ruddy t-zones...need I go on? And I, too, doubt that Trump is fresh on 90 minutes of sleep. 

But, this time, the groaners got it wrong.

Trump, being the human blooper reel that he is, is the ideal spokesperson for sleep deprivation. I can’t think of better motivation to turn in at a reasonable hour, nightshades and all, than fear of becoming Trump. Studies depict sleep-deprived people as low on impulse control (check), emotionally volatile (aye), prone to revising history (mmhmm) and humor-challenged (again: SNL). So, once his campaign tanks, I urge sleep industry lobbyists to play to Trump's narcissism and offer him an exclusive spokesperson opportunity, as the poster man/child for sleep deprivation. So long as they can find a billboard big enough to fit his hair and his ego.